Just felt like sharing some really silly, and not so funny, jokes. Here ya go:
What do you get when you cross Barack Obama with an elephant?
A really bad president.
This one is long but worth the read:
A man was really attached to his wallet, but it was breaking and he knew he needed a new one.
He came across a shop called "New Concepts Wallets and Purses". He decided to give it a shot. When he walked in, he noticed a bunch of mason jars with old foreskins soaked in fermaldahide (sp?). He asked the store owner, "what's up with all the foreskin?" The owner told him that he had been taking donations for years and that he made wallets out of them. Skeptical, the man asked the owner what kind of quality they were. The owner said,"highest quality around. You'd be shocked at how durable foreskin is." So the man decided to give it a try. He told the owner,"make me the best wallet you can....but if I don't like it I'm not paying for it." The owner agreed. Two weeks later, the man returned to pick up his new foreskin wallet. When he looked at it, he was impressed at the craftsmanship and couldn't really tell it was made out of foreskin. He agreed to buy, and then the owner told him it would be $300 dollars. The man was stunned...."why should I pay $300 for a wallet made out of old foreskin?" The owner said,"well, because it's more than just a wallet. If you rub it really hard it turns into a suitcase!"
Tasteless I know, but you must admit that's pretty funny...I don't care who you are.
Have a good night!
David
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Aint it funny?
I'm the world's worst nightowl and thankfully there is medicine for people like me. My biggest medicine is youtube. Anytime I get nostalgic, I can go to youtube and listen to music that means something to me. And really, all it has to mean is what I'm in the mood for.
I've been fortunate to know many people from all walks of life. I grew up in private school.....but had some of my best times in public school. I've got many facebook friends from back in the day that I wonder if they share the same memories I have. Although I've fried way too many braincells to remember all the details, certain songs take me back to a wonderful time....a time more innocent and fun.
I'm stuck in the 80's when it comes to music. However, I hear songs from the 90's that remind me of my days at Davidson and Mobile Christian. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who gets nostalgic, but if I was, sites like facebook wouldn't exist. We've all moved on with our lives....but next time you hear a song that reminds you of the "good ole days", share it with the rest of us. You know you're guilty of it.......we all do it.
Everytime I hear the country song,"Aint if funny how the melody can bring back the memory....", I'm reminded of my wonderful past and current life. So here's to you Kelly Klop, Jason Black, Farrah Cordell, and so many other people that I have fond memories of. It's what makes memories special.
David
I've been fortunate to know many people from all walks of life. I grew up in private school.....but had some of my best times in public school. I've got many facebook friends from back in the day that I wonder if they share the same memories I have. Although I've fried way too many braincells to remember all the details, certain songs take me back to a wonderful time....a time more innocent and fun.
I'm stuck in the 80's when it comes to music. However, I hear songs from the 90's that remind me of my days at Davidson and Mobile Christian. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who gets nostalgic, but if I was, sites like facebook wouldn't exist. We've all moved on with our lives....but next time you hear a song that reminds you of the "good ole days", share it with the rest of us. You know you're guilty of it.......we all do it.
Everytime I hear the country song,"Aint if funny how the melody can bring back the memory....", I'm reminded of my wonderful past and current life. So here's to you Kelly Klop, Jason Black, Farrah Cordell, and so many other people that I have fond memories of. It's what makes memories special.
David
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Smell of the Grass
I spent this last weekend bonding with my father-in-law building a fence at my house. It was hard work, I learned alot, and really enjoyed getting to know him better. As we were finishing last night, something struck me.....something I really miss.....the smell of the grass. Anyone who has ever played football knows what I'm talking about. As the sun is going down in the summer and fall, the grass gets a little wet, and a smell so lovely eminates from the ground.....the smell of football.
There are 5 things in this world that I love. I love God, my wife, my children, parents and sister and.....football. I may be 33, but every Saturday and Sunday I feel like a little kid again. I get butterflies right before kickoff of the big game. CBS at 2:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday is the best time of the year. There's just something about it.....I really can't put my finger on it.
What I absolutely love about the South, especially Alabama, is that most everyone gets in to football. In a world where most people can't agree on much, one thing most people agree on is the love of football. It's a time to get together with friends and family. Many men test their merit on the grill on gameday. It's a reason for fathers and sons, husbands and wives, best friends from college, to take road trips to tailgate and cheer their team on. And then on Monday morning, everyone talks about what happened. Armchair quarterbacks make their corrections of the coach, and prognosticate the coming weekend's games. Radio shows provide a forum for rival fans to talk smack to each other. All because of the most wonderful game ever created.....football (let me say that I LOVE baseball and basketball, it's just that football was my first love.....literally).
I am thankful to be married to a woman who loves football almost as much as I do, because I am liable to watch games from 11am to the Pac-10 games on foxsports around midnight.
I've heard that the sense of smell is the strongest sense tied to memory. Every time I smell the grass, I remember the days when I was playing. The commraderie (sp?), the late nights getting home from a road game, the hot summer practices, and the thrill of a big win. Now, it reminds me of something to look forward to every weekend in the fall. Try to enjoy your Saturdays this fall.....I'll be standing over my grill, going through my pre-game ritual, and cheering on the CRIMSON TIDE!!
Gotta love football,
David
There are 5 things in this world that I love. I love God, my wife, my children, parents and sister and.....football. I may be 33, but every Saturday and Sunday I feel like a little kid again. I get butterflies right before kickoff of the big game. CBS at 2:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday is the best time of the year. There's just something about it.....I really can't put my finger on it.
What I absolutely love about the South, especially Alabama, is that most everyone gets in to football. In a world where most people can't agree on much, one thing most people agree on is the love of football. It's a time to get together with friends and family. Many men test their merit on the grill on gameday. It's a reason for fathers and sons, husbands and wives, best friends from college, to take road trips to tailgate and cheer their team on. And then on Monday morning, everyone talks about what happened. Armchair quarterbacks make their corrections of the coach, and prognosticate the coming weekend's games. Radio shows provide a forum for rival fans to talk smack to each other. All because of the most wonderful game ever created.....football (let me say that I LOVE baseball and basketball, it's just that football was my first love.....literally).
I am thankful to be married to a woman who loves football almost as much as I do, because I am liable to watch games from 11am to the Pac-10 games on foxsports around midnight.
I've heard that the sense of smell is the strongest sense tied to memory. Every time I smell the grass, I remember the days when I was playing. The commraderie (sp?), the late nights getting home from a road game, the hot summer practices, and the thrill of a big win. Now, it reminds me of something to look forward to every weekend in the fall. Try to enjoy your Saturdays this fall.....I'll be standing over my grill, going through my pre-game ritual, and cheering on the CRIMSON TIDE!!
Gotta love football,
David
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Joke for the day
I have to give credit to Jay Leno for this.....thought it was pretty funny.
Definition of Politics:
Poli=many
Tics=bloodsuckers
Politics=manybloodsuckers.
have a great weekend,
david
Definition of Politics:
Poli=many
Tics=bloodsuckers
Politics=manybloodsuckers.
have a great weekend,
david
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Are you involved.....do you even care?
Let me first say that what I'm about to write is not meant to attack any one particular person or group of people. But, if you don't share my opinions you are stupid!! (THAT'S A JOKE PEOPLE).
Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a conservative and proud of it. I've been told I have a big heart, and therefore tend to get worked up more than others about certain issues. My main point, however, in writing this is simply some food for thought.
I've been as interested and nostalgic as anyone else lately with all the deaths of celebrities that have occurred. I was and am still a fan of Michael Jackson's music, grew up on Star Search and Johnny Carson, and thought Farrah Fawcett was a hottie! Steve McNair's death has been especially troubling for me because I am a football fanatic and really liked him as a player. BUT, do you realize how much else has been going on? In the last two weeks we've had a climate bill pass the House under our noses, and our President has agreed to reduce our number of nuclear weapons with RUSSIA! Not always our strongest ally.....not exactly a track record of trustworthiness with them. With the state of the world as volatile as it is, we're going to disarm and trust a government that has NEVER been trustworthy???? I digress, anyway alot has been going on. This climate bill had a 300 page addendum added to an already 1,000+ page document under the cover of night......literally. It was submitted at 3am while America slept. And on that Friday when you woke up, all you heard on the news was Michael Jackson. EVEN FOX NEWS covered the Jackson death more than a bill that can increase your expenses by $3,000.00 per year and cost up to an estimated 2.5 million jobs per year. Considering this is "the worst economy since the great depression", they're passing bills that will increase our costs and cut jobs.....but hey, did you hear Jackson may have overdosed?? Did you know McNair was cheating on his wife? WHO GIVES A CRAP!! And guess what...I don't blame the media! They're feeding America what it wants. We have turned in to a country that would rather watch the E channel than keep up with things that will affect us and our children. Media is all about money just like everything else. They will show what generates viewership, which in turn generates money.
No, I'm not a scrooge who sits around watching FOX 24 hours a day and doesn't like to have fun. Most people that know me know I LOVE to have fun. But there are some really big things going on that can affect our future and we're sleeping through it just like we always have.
Finally, like I said, this blog is to make you think. No matter where you stand, are you thinking? Are you paying attention? Are you reading? Are you involved in the Democratic process? If you're not....please don't ever complain about what goes on in Washington. Did you call your Congressman 2 weeks ago regarding the climate bill? Do you know who your congressman is? And seriously, if you're not involved or informed I AM NOT CRITICIZING YOU! Just take a few seconds to decide if you care and if you even want to get involved. That's all.
Thanks for reading and I would love to hear other opinions. I'm going to go take my blood pressure medicine now! (THAT'S A JOKE)
Have a great weekend!
David
Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm a conservative and proud of it. I've been told I have a big heart, and therefore tend to get worked up more than others about certain issues. My main point, however, in writing this is simply some food for thought.
I've been as interested and nostalgic as anyone else lately with all the deaths of celebrities that have occurred. I was and am still a fan of Michael Jackson's music, grew up on Star Search and Johnny Carson, and thought Farrah Fawcett was a hottie! Steve McNair's death has been especially troubling for me because I am a football fanatic and really liked him as a player. BUT, do you realize how much else has been going on? In the last two weeks we've had a climate bill pass the House under our noses, and our President has agreed to reduce our number of nuclear weapons with RUSSIA! Not always our strongest ally.....not exactly a track record of trustworthiness with them. With the state of the world as volatile as it is, we're going to disarm and trust a government that has NEVER been trustworthy???? I digress, anyway alot has been going on. This climate bill had a 300 page addendum added to an already 1,000+ page document under the cover of night......literally. It was submitted at 3am while America slept. And on that Friday when you woke up, all you heard on the news was Michael Jackson. EVEN FOX NEWS covered the Jackson death more than a bill that can increase your expenses by $3,000.00 per year and cost up to an estimated 2.5 million jobs per year. Considering this is "the worst economy since the great depression", they're passing bills that will increase our costs and cut jobs.....but hey, did you hear Jackson may have overdosed?? Did you know McNair was cheating on his wife? WHO GIVES A CRAP!! And guess what...I don't blame the media! They're feeding America what it wants. We have turned in to a country that would rather watch the E channel than keep up with things that will affect us and our children. Media is all about money just like everything else. They will show what generates viewership, which in turn generates money.
No, I'm not a scrooge who sits around watching FOX 24 hours a day and doesn't like to have fun. Most people that know me know I LOVE to have fun. But there are some really big things going on that can affect our future and we're sleeping through it just like we always have.
Finally, like I said, this blog is to make you think. No matter where you stand, are you thinking? Are you paying attention? Are you reading? Are you involved in the Democratic process? If you're not....please don't ever complain about what goes on in Washington. Did you call your Congressman 2 weeks ago regarding the climate bill? Do you know who your congressman is? And seriously, if you're not involved or informed I AM NOT CRITICIZING YOU! Just take a few seconds to decide if you care and if you even want to get involved. That's all.
Thanks for reading and I would love to hear other opinions. I'm going to go take my blood pressure medicine now! (THAT'S A JOKE)
Have a great weekend!
David
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Turning in to my dad
There was a time in my life where I never thought I would be like my parents. There was no way I would be so "uncool". As a matter of fact, when I had kids I would be the coolest parent on the block. Kids would flock to my house to play at Mr. Reece's house because he was the coolest. Years later, I realize that I am so much like my parents, especially my dad, that it is comical that those thoughts ever crossed my mind. (pretty sure that was a runon sentence). I can remember weekends with my dad where he and I would listen to "oldie goldies" on the radio on Saturday nights. The music was okay, but I wanted to listen to cool stuff like Poison, Whitesnake, Michael Jackson, or any other current group. I always wondered why he listened to such crap! Now, I'm stuck in the '80's when it comes to music. I bought XM radio for the "luxury" of always having an '80's station. I'm sure one day my sons will wonder why I listen to such "crap".
I can remember my dad trying so hard to teach me about money, manners, respect for others, chores.....basically everything I try to drive home to my own kids nowadays. I don't do it to be like my dad, I do it because that's who I am. And you know what.....I wouldn't want to be any other way. I can thank my parents, especially my dad (males always look to their fathers for influence), for shaping my values. I believe they're rock solid. It wasn't always so easy....I rebelled, tried to "explore" other ideas.....but I always came back to my roots. Again, I wouldn't want to be any other kind of man. We're definitely not mirror images of one another, but the foundation was laid long ago when I was clueless it was being done.
I'll leave you with a story. Last week my wife and I took our oldest son on a mini-vacation to the beach. The baby stayed with the grandparents. On our way to the beach, my son came down with a stomach virus......in the car in the middle of a 6 hour drive. Not fun to say the least. We arrived in Florida at 2am. I was beat from a long month at work. BUT, my boy was sick. So at 3am I find myself at Walgreens looking for some medicine to help him....along with some extra items added by my wife. My eyes burned from being so tired, but I didn't care. It was my son.....I would lay down my life for him. Going to the store in the middle of the night was nothing. As I drove back to the condo, I was reminded of all the times my dad took care of me in similar ways, and other ways I'm sure I still don't even know about. He never missed a highschool football game....even when it meant he would get home at 4 in the morning. I HOPE I'm turning in to my dad.....because if I am, I think my boys will be okay.
I'll sign off for now, but not before I listen to one of those '80's songs!
David
I can remember my dad trying so hard to teach me about money, manners, respect for others, chores.....basically everything I try to drive home to my own kids nowadays. I don't do it to be like my dad, I do it because that's who I am. And you know what.....I wouldn't want to be any other way. I can thank my parents, especially my dad (males always look to their fathers for influence), for shaping my values. I believe they're rock solid. It wasn't always so easy....I rebelled, tried to "explore" other ideas.....but I always came back to my roots. Again, I wouldn't want to be any other kind of man. We're definitely not mirror images of one another, but the foundation was laid long ago when I was clueless it was being done.
I'll leave you with a story. Last week my wife and I took our oldest son on a mini-vacation to the beach. The baby stayed with the grandparents. On our way to the beach, my son came down with a stomach virus......in the car in the middle of a 6 hour drive. Not fun to say the least. We arrived in Florida at 2am. I was beat from a long month at work. BUT, my boy was sick. So at 3am I find myself at Walgreens looking for some medicine to help him....along with some extra items added by my wife. My eyes burned from being so tired, but I didn't care. It was my son.....I would lay down my life for him. Going to the store in the middle of the night was nothing. As I drove back to the condo, I was reminded of all the times my dad took care of me in similar ways, and other ways I'm sure I still don't even know about. He never missed a highschool football game....even when it meant he would get home at 4 in the morning. I HOPE I'm turning in to my dad.....because if I am, I think my boys will be okay.
I'll sign off for now, but not before I listen to one of those '80's songs!
David
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